i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
