did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
