Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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