My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
