Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
