oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
