Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
