Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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