whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
