mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
