He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
