i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
