so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
