Pappa wants mamma naked
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
