You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
