I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
