What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
