I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I skipped work to stalk him.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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