how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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