I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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