is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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