you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
