Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im six kinds of drunk right now
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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