So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
