I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
