My friends, they love my intelligence
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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