Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
