Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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