i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
