??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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