I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
