I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
