there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
