Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize