A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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