i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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