hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
