I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
