I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
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The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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