It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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