i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
