I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
