my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
