Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
