Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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