East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish I only lived at night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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