i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
