sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want her autograph on my taint
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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