We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
