ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
