I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
