Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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