im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
