Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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