wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
