dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
