smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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