Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
