I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
