Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
