we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
not ubering you a puppy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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