I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There r osticjed everywhere
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
