when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
