if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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