if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
