I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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