Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
