so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
