I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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