when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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